This Pitiful Pile? {Oatmeal}

[oatmeal]

[style=font: 11px calibri; letter-spacing: 1px; text-align: right; width: 412px; background-color: #282823; padding: 2px 10px; color: #8f9cab;]addie is just a part of the whole package

Addie felt Terrwyn trying his hardest to try to get rid of the awkwardness that had come between them. He seemed to be following very well despite it all and made it rather easy for her. For that, she was thankful. She lowered her muzzle before she smiled wholeheartedly and turned around. “Yes, I'm a female in a male body,” she said it again, sweetly, but with a more explanatory tone than the shameful one she used before. It seemed that if Terrwyn was going to accept it, it made it easier for her to accept herself in front of him.

Advent had always been open to telling others about the other personalities. She believed that it was a big deal and when it came to that moment when she realized that she could trust a wolf as a friend, she would tell them who and what she was. A wolf. And just one of five in this body. She didn't hate this body. Addie didn't hate much of anything. She was just a giddy, happy, quirky female who was just a touch crazy, she would admit that. Often times, she wondered what to call the others. Terrwyn suggested siblings. It didn't sit right with her. She couldn't think of the others as siblings when they had never met.

But perhaps they met each other in the strongest way a wolf could: Right before they changed, when they slipped into another wolf, they could feel their essence shifting. They could feel the fundamental pieces of their souls changing and switching with another wolf's. In that regard, they knew each other in the most primal, basic, and intimate level. But they couldn't know each other's quirks, fancies, and they didn't share memories or likes or dislikes. They knew the sum of each other, but not the pieces.

Addie tried to explain. But such a life was hard to put into words. Such an idea seemed to big to talk about conversationally. But Addie was crazy enough to try it, unabashed. “Well, I wouldn't call us siblings. We're like a crowd of wolves, related in the same way that a group is related, well, if you don't count the whole fact that we share a body. I mean that there's something that connects us to the original personality. But the important thing is that... we're all individuals.” She stopped and studied Terrwyn, half trying to see if he was following and half trying to find a better way to say what she wanted to say.

Perhaps the best thing to do was introduce them. Most wolves wanted to know about all of the personalities first when she let slip that she was just one of many. “Sermon's the wolf who this body belongs to. He's a serious, rather calculative guy. He's polite. Most of us are. Then there's Pulpit. He's a puppy still, so he'll act like a puppy. I'm told that it's disorientating for a five year old wolf to act like he's five weeks old. But then again, I'm female in this body.” She smiled playfully before continuing. “There's Church, who I told you about a little. He can be rude, but he just doesn't know how to deal with others. If you meet him, remember that. And Preacher... well, he'll flirt with you and then flirt with danger, but is quite the gentleman.”

Advent wagged her tail, but then stilled it. “And then, there's me, Advent. And... I like to think that I'm a nice wolf to get along with. I try to be, at least.” She sighed. “So, that's that.”

She put her entire self on the line. It was up to Terrwyn to accept her and the rest of the wolves. She still had the small fear in the back of her mind—that Terrwyn would reject her and the others and then she'd have a new enemy on her just because she told the truth. But she looked at Terrwyn and had to smile.

He was too good. He wouldn't do that to her.

Addie and Terrwyn are gonna be good friends! I wonder what other misadventures they'll get into after this thread, LOL.

[punktestern]

[atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding:0; margin: 0; background-image:url(http://i1020.photobucket.com/albums/af324/Rockheart_ArtDelivery/TerrTable2.png);background-repeat:r epeat-y;width: 500px;height:636px;] {Moving}-{"Speaking"}-{Thinking}-{"Hearing"} Terrwyn nodded as she said that he had understood the first part correctly. He was starting to grasp what was going on; it was like a puzzle with only a few more pieces missing. He would have to work to get those last ones, though, to get a complete picture. So, not siblings, then… They didn’t know each other, it seemed, at least not all that well. He tried to think of a better word, and an old word from a tale came to him, “Folk, then? You are slightly similar, but I understand that you are all completely different, personality-wise.” However, as she started introducing each of the personalities, he noticed that their names all shared a similar name, and he thought of another name. He stayed quiet, though, listening to her as she described each wolf in detail. He would much like to meet the other wolves, he decided, but then thought about how… odd… it would be to talk to another wolf that looked just like Addie. “Is there any way to tell you guys apart just by looking at you, or would I have to strike up a conversation to know who’s... in control?... at the moment?” Notes\:/He's trying to grasp it... Not quite managing it yet, though Words/:\204

[oatmeal]

[style=font: 11px calibri; letter-spacing: 1px; text-align: right; width: 412px; background-color: #282823; padding: 2px 10px; color: #8f9cab;]addie and all that she is

Advent felt that Terrwyn was going the completely wrong way, but it showed that he was eager to learn, that he was willing to try to understand. He wasn't sitting there and letting her words come over him. He was engaging her. He asked questions, tried to label her and the other wolves, and then asked questions that she could never answer on her own merit. She needed to set him right.

She saw that he was trying. It was a lot to take in. She knew that. She had wolves before who rejected her after that much information. Wolves who tried to process the whole thing at once and chased her off, too baffled to understand when she tried to correct them. Addie knew that she needed to correct Terrwyn, just remind him of her limitations and remind him of what was important. Some questions were better left unanswered. She didn't want him to touch those dark spots in her past—things that caused her to be born.

Quietly, she said, her voice still in the sweet, high tone, “Winnie, please. It doesn't matter what you call us. We are individuals. That's what's important. Imagine it as meeting five different wolves. That's all. Don't call us anything.” It wasn't that she was adverse to being part of their folk, grouped with the other boys. Or, going by Terrwyn's earlier suggestion: Having them be siblings. It was because the relationship that they had was complex. Advent's origin was through blood. Her identity was one that was stolen, not created. She knew it. She tried to forget it. But it was something one cannot forget. Only repress until someone dragged it out.

She didn't know whether to answer Terrwyn's last question or even how to. Physically, she and the others were completely identical. Some wolves report a change in scent, but it was all a trick of the mind—something that came about simply because they got the idea from other physical clues. The skin, fur, eyes, legs—all these traits—they didn't not sum up a wolf's appearance. A wolf was more than what he looked like. He was his walk, his talk, his mannerisms, together. His personality permeated through him, affected the whole of him. It was a Gestalt phenomenon. Each little part by itself could not possibly equal the whole wolf.

Instead, Addie smiled. “Winnie, we look exactly and completely alike. But wolves who know one of us, as you know me. You can tell when I'm not me. I dunno if you can tell the other guys apart. That comes with practice. And really, I'm not sure how it all works. I just know from what other wolves have said.”

In the back of her mind, she wondered when the next change would happen. Changes were frequent, but sometimes, there were these long, blissful moments, when she could enjoy being herself. She wagged her tail, looking at Terrwyn with her green eyes. She liked him. She even crushed on him a little.

Addie totes crushes on Terrwyn. And I kinda sorta hint at her history.

[punktestern]

[atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding:0; margin: 0; background-image:url(http://i1020.photobucket.com/albums/af324/Rockheart_ArtDelivery/TerrTable2.png);background-repeat:r epeat-y;width: 500px;height:636px;] {Moving}-{"Speaking"}-{Thinking}-{"Hearing"} Terrwyn shook himself at Addie’s voice, “I’m sorry, Addie. I was trying to think of what to call you, and I kinda lost the point.” He ordered his thoughts along the new route, then nodded firmly and resolved to try and make more sense out of what Addie was saying, not trying to label them, “I think I can do that. Please, Addie, I’m sorry if I say something wrong, I’m just not sure of what I’m thinking right now.” He looked at her, trying to see what made her seem feminine, then realized that what she was saying made sense, in some way. He would be able to recognize when those hints were gone, he was sure, now that he had isolated them. He would be able to tell if it was not Addie, but he would have to ‘meet’ the other wolves to realize their ‘signatures’ on the body that they shared, the hues that they painted onto the same pelt. “I think I understand a bit better now.” As she looked back at him and wagged her tail, a thought crossed Terrwyn’s mind. He smiled back, quite sweetly, then tapped her lightly on the nose with his own muzzle, then sprang backwards and turned at the same moment. “Tag! Got you!” Notes\:/He'll get there someday. -sigh- Words/:\220

[oatmeal]

[style=font: 11px calibri; letter-spacing: 1px; text-align: right; width: 412px; background-color: #282823; padding: 2px 10px; color: #8f9cab;](advent) candle in the wind

Addie smiled, obviously happy with his politeness. She saw how hard he was trying. It made her want to try harder too. The rustle of the wind. The color of the sky. They all seemed to want her to try harder, too. She was certain. It wasn't that he was wrong. It was just that he wasn't right. And in this one thing, it mattered that he was right. This was her. It was part of the deal. If he wanted to be friends with her, to understand her, then he needed to know that she didn't come alone. Advent fluttered her lashes. Deep inside, she wished that Terrwyn was susceptible to her flirting. Perhaps it backfired because she just happened to have a penis. You know, things like that tended to get in the way.

“Winnie,” she said, “Don't worry about it.” Her tail stretched long behind her and lashed at the air. She was contemplative in this moment. Usually, she was giddy and her mind worked in bubbles of thoughts. But today, in this moment, she let herself think slowly. She let herself work out the problem. He was valuable to her. A friend who could put the effort to truly understand it. She bowed her head and wanted so badly to peck him on the cheek, a quick lick.

The mate in her memories could erase all her insecurities with nothing more than a lick, a touch of his tongue upon her tan cheek. She could almost see him in her mind. Almost, but not quite. She didn't want to see him. Even she had secrets. It was because the place that Terrwyn took felt familiar. An empty space left in her heart and she sought a wolf to fill it. She practiced a rare bit of self-control. She felt that maybe, she was in love with the idea that a wolf could fill this void—give her his love—more than she was in love with the wolf himself. He was a friend, nothing more. “Terrwyn...” Her voice was soft, so soft that it was barely spoken. A quiet longing revealed that she wanted to say something forbidden—at least suggest it. A question.

The moment felt hot. Her fur felt electric with the anticipation of what would happen next. A heavy thought made her tremble. And then, the tension left as the next best thing happened. He smiled, hopped forward, pecked her on the nose with his muzzle, and ran away. “Tag, you're it,” he called as he escaped, resuming the game. The run in, the truth she shared, was nothing more than a diversion from the game they played together.

She sped after him, a smile on her muzzle, her tongue lolling out. She wondered if Terrwyn still considered her a female as he did at their first meeting. Or if the whole business with the rest of the wolves who shared this body made him think differently.

Terrwyn, do you think I'll ever find love? Her unfinished sentence echoed in her thoughts. She was too scared to say it aloud. Too frightened of the fact that perhaps, he would think that she sought him too desperately.

His hind legs worked in front of her. His tail bounced with his stride. She smiled. She only needed a small burst of speed to catch up.

Oh, how her life resembled a game of tag. Tag, you're Church. Tag, you're Addie.

"Tag, you're it." She finally reached him, Terrwyn. Her new friend, her confidant.

She's still just crushin'. The start of unresolved sexual tension, whooooooo. :D Would it be totally awkward if one of the others pop right in?